To my little pupper, Aria

Aria was my first ever puppy. And I’ve probably wanted a puppy my entire life. She came into our lives pretty unexpected, with the promise from my mom that she’d leave to my father’s work in a week or so.

She was one month when we took her and she was soooo little and quiet the first day. We put her on a little blanket and gave her a little box. She did not want to sleep in the box, she always got out of it and slept on the floor.

First day she was with us, was the day before my thesis work and well me being stupid as always, decided to let her sleep on the balcony at night. She yelled and cried for the entire night not letting us sleep at all. At around 5am I let her in my room and she was still upset. Well, until she started pooping with ringworms. I’ll never forget how my boyfriend took the ringworm out of her butt(graphic i know). After the thesis presentation I wanted to see her as fast as possible, since we let her home alone and she was soooo happy to see us.

The second day we took her with us to my bf’s grandads garden and she really enjoyed it. She got so tired, that she slept the entire evening. I was getting curious if this dog will come at the door when I’ll get home.

In some days,  every time someone got home Aria was happily jumping at the door, licking us and squealing. God, she was so cute and just happy to see us.

She chew on socks, on the bed, on the carpet, on everything. She took the dirty clothes from the bathroom and brought them in the living room. My parent’s room was a restricted place for her, and when she accidentaly got in, she’d always jump on the bed.

Ah beds, this is a specific topic. Aria loved beds. Every morning, around 5-6 she stand with her paws on the margin of my bed to wake me up. This was incredible, to open your eyes and see the eyes of the cuttest puppy in the world looking at you. I got out of the bed, and she’d lick me and be extremly excited that finally someone woke up to play with her. I’m sorry Ariuc I did not play more with you. There was also a bed in the living room, we always ate there. And Aria always wanted to get on it so she could beg for food. And guess what, in the last week she was jumping like crazy to get on the bed untill she did it! So now, everytime we ate something there, she’d jump on the bed and crawl on us. And beg for food, specifically ice cream!

YES! She liked ice cream, strawberries, cucumbers and pedigree. Of course pedigree. She’d go crazy after it. One day she got in the lower drawer of the kitchen trying to get i dont even know where, closer to the food? Crazy. She knew the command “Sit” because we gave her snacks when she did it. Fatty little dogo.

When we walked outside everyone was happy to see her and everyone asked me about her. I remember her first poo outside, me and my brother were quite excited about it. She got in shops on the street and made people happy with her presence. Everyone loved her because she was truly a lovely and very energetic pup. When she was scared of the big dogs, she layed on her back, but I was always there for her(except one last time..).

We sometime got mad at her, because she peed and pooped in the house, but it was quite funny. She listened to my mother the best. When mom told her “Aria iesi de la gunoi!” she always listened. When mom told her “Aria du osul inapoi!” she always listened, tho a bit hesitant.

Aria slept like a cat, on her back, with her paws curled in the air. She slept in the bathroom or near my bed. I always let her lick my face and I miss her wet nose.

Her ‘musteti’ were long and cute and at the base of them, she had a black dot, which my boyfriend called moles 😀

We took Aria with us once to Ivancea and she jumped around in the bushes of strawberries happily. She slept the entire way back because she was tired.

Aria licked my dad’s nipples when he was not wearing shirts 😀 Aria would bark very cute when you wont give her attention.

Aria had three black paws and one pink. She was cainele lup, because when she was playing and biting she had cute acute ears.

Together with my brother we liked to play with her when she was sleepy, because she yawned so cute. And she would not bite you. I let her sleep on my bed. Too cute.

There is so much to write about her, and its been only a month togeteher with her.

I’m sorry little Aria. I will always love you. You were a very special dog in my life. I’m sorry for what I did to you. But i hope from the depths of my heart that you knew how much we loved you, how much I love you. My little caine lup, ariusha pedrigriusha, ariusha padrusha.

about breaking hearts

Hi there, long time no see.

I just logged in to say something.

Don’t overthink.

Just stop it. You know how it feels when someone is breaking your heart, you know that too well. Because you’ve felt the humiliation for months, or even years.

So, don’t be selfish and remember you’ve also broken hearts. Not one, more. Don’t expect from these people to open up to you again. Don’t even expect a hello.

The person you’ve hurt the most, is very smart and is a grown up. And he was ready to kill his feelings and accept your friendship, but you were a piece of shit.

You’re always a piece of shit when it comes to people. First you attract people, you make a bond with them, then you make yourself distant and hurt them. And lastly, you whine that you’re alone. I guess you deserved it.

You forgot about his birthday, so don’t expect he remembers you. Don’t expect people will love you again. Falling out of love, you fall in hatred.

El si Brunetul si 2016

Vreau sa incep cu un mic statement : ‘Mi-i lene sa scriu cu diacritice.’

Cand viata devine mai banala, si blogul sta parasit deoparte si fluxul de sentimente nu e intr-atat de puternic, well dispare inspiratia presupun eu.

Defapt ar fi un pacat sa-mi numesc viata banala.

Sunt studenta bursiera, plec intr-o calatorie awesome zilele urmatoare, El ma iubeste(sau cel putin asa cred eu), totul merge lent dar stabil.

Probabil o mare majoritate ar zice ca viata mea e ok, chiar merge bine si totul e frumos si “maaai ce stresuri posibile poti sa mai ai si tu”. Uite aici realizez ca sunt putin instabila si ca viata normala, linistita, omeneasca nu ma aranjeaza.

Lipseste avalansa de emotii si vreo doua trei lacrimi curse noapte pe perna(si nu din cauza unui film trist). Anume in momente cand El iti arata dragostea cel mai mult, trebuie sa te gandesti la alt domnisor misterios. Sa rascolesti amintirile si sa-ti pui intrebarea “Hmm da oare nu m-am simtit cu el mai bine? Hmm chiar am fost speciala pentru el.” Esti o proasta, caci el nici nu-si aduce aminte de tine probabil, you broke his heart kinda. Te-ai facut de ras mai pe scurt, cand nu ai putut sa decizi intre un miorlait care te ignora pe atunci si intre domnisor, care era gata sa te duca in brate oriunde.

Pai nu poti sa regreti orice baiat care ti-a facut ochi vreo data, nu? Ah, da pe unul care te-a iubit puternic si iti zicea cuvinte de te topeai imediat, poti sa-l regreti.

Chestia e ca nu poti sa-i incerci pe toti, nu ai capacitatea de a trai in lumi paralele, sa incerci si baiatul brunet si pe El. L-ai ales intr-un fel pe El.

Da chiar fara nici un fel, pur si simplu l-ai ales pe el, atunci cand ai luat una din cele mai importante decizii din viata ta.

Sa nu plangi pe urma.

Si chiar daca o sa plangi, sa fii sigura ca El o sa fie acolo sa iti stearga lacrimile.

El – persoana carei ii sunt dedicate 99% din postari(si viata).

Brunetul – just brunetul, a dream.

Fărâme de amintiri

Mă prind des gândurile ca eram mai fericita inante, și când zic înainte mă refer la un timp destul de îndepartat, poate chiar și 10 ani. Și sa nu par egoistă, o să zic ca intreaga-mi familie era mai fericită. Duceam o viață mai simplă, deoarece așa erau oamenii atunci, de-o simplitate frumoasă și naturală. Fără ponturi moldovenești, fără lauda mare, fără goana asta dupa bogății de tot felul. Dar eram mai bogata, deoarece aveam o familie sanătoasă, împlinită si foarte simplă. Pe orice poză observ fericire adevărata, simplețe si lipsă de mari probleme create de factori închipuiți. Fără certuri, fără minciuni, fără cerințe din partea mea. Pare josnic acum, ca am ajuns să-mi mustrez parinții deoarece văd in alte părți lume mai moderna, mai desteapta. Nimeni nu-și alege familia. Familia trebuie iubită atata timp cât este, cu toate neajunsurile, momentele rușinoase si neplacerile ei.

Încă de ce eram mai fericită? Pai mulți imi zic că timpurile de acum sunt frumoase, ca au tot ce îșî doresc si lumea e la picioarele lor, nu neg, deoarece mananc bine, mă îmbrac bine si nu pot sa zic ca imi lipsesc multe. Imi lipsesc doar doi oameni. Nu mulți cunosc cum e sa pierzi doua persoane, care te-au educat și ti-au fost niște persoane atat de apropiate. Parintii mei sunt vii, nu merge vorba de ei. Merge vorba de doi oameni frumosi, cu niste suflete de care nu am mai vazut la nimeni(iar suflete am cunoscut eu multe).

Presupun ca viața acum ar fi fost total diferită daca erau ei doi in viață.Poate si din punct de vedere material, dar mai mult as zice ca oamenii din jur ar fi avut mai putine riduri in jurul ochilor si pe frunte, mai puțina ciuda pe viata si soartă, mai puțina rautate unul față de altul.

Enorm de dor de voi doi.

Niste demoni personali

Am dat scroll pe pagina mea de facebook astazi si ca deobicei, am simtit un nod in gat – nostalgie, amar capriciu pentru asa o persoana ca mine.

A fost foarte greu sa realizez ca la varsta de 17-18 ani ma simteam mai implinita decat ma simt acum, la aproape 21 de ani.Aveam multi prieteni, oameni care pur si simplu ma admirau pentru carisma si caracterul meu.Aveam un scop, ocupatii si un sens in viata, chiar daca foarte vag.Veneam acasa tarziu, ma culcam pe pat cu cartile in fata si adormeam momentan de obosita ce eram.Probabil ca asta-i fericirea pentru mine, oboseala care te adoarme si nu mai lasa loc gandurilor si anxietatii.

O perioada eram obsedata de tine, chiar erai scopul meu principal, doarece probabil erai unica chestie de care duceam lipsa la moment.Aveam pentru ce lupta, aveam motiv sa sufer, ma simteam vie intr-un fel, ma simteam fata puternica, cu caracter.Si credeam ca daca te primesc, devin instantaneu cel mai fericit om intre oameni.

Acum la fara vreo doua luni 21, pot sa zic ca ma simt extrem de pierduta.

Am pierdut din motivatia pe care o aveam de mic copil.Am pierdut multe din talentele mele.Am pierdut frumusetea personalitatii mele.Eram o fire atat de amuzanta si zambitoare.Si ce sunt acum? Imi apare zambetul doar la un pahar de vin, deoarece doar asa reusesc sa ma relaxez.

Poate ca pur si simplu e cam dificil sa gasesti un sens in viata la varsta asta, din cauza viitorului care mereu apasa cu toate responsabilitatile sale.Sau poate ca mi-am pierdut o parte din puteri in vreo una dintre luptele pe care le-am dus mereu, ba cu demonii interiori, ba cu tine, iubire.

Acum doresc sa ma regasesc.Sa zambesc din nou si sa cuceresc inimi.

Sa-ti arat tie ca pot fi un  soare si sa te motivez sa fii mai bun.

Dar idee nu am cum.

Soulmates never die

I was browsing pinterest out of boredom when I read the “When I first met you, I had no idea you’d be this important to me” words.Well pretty strange, because I’ve heard these words from many people, multiple times. Majority of them stating that they met their soulmates. And the question is, if you believe in soulmates how did you not feel from the start that the “chosen one” would be so important?

Because me, I kneeew from the first day we started sharing our lives to each other that you would be this important to me. I knew we’d come to what we are today, even if took years for me to fix it.

And soulmates never die.

Drama Queen?

Bai, ma gandesc ce prostie e naivitatea asta de fata indragostita. Oare de m-ai lasa iar, as incepe sa ascult muzicuta trista, sa ma regasesc in cuvintele cantecelor si sa fac din istoria noastra un roman mai cool decat cele ale lui Eliade? Nici nu mai stiu.

Dar, din pacate, am inteles un lucru. Felul asta al meu de a fi, spurcat si nestatortnic. De parca nu-mi sta fericirea si caut mereu vreun motiv sa sufar, sa ma simt mai om, sa mai simt mai fata atipica.

Si chiar si atunci cand primesti ce ai vrut si intelegi ca you’re such a fighter, sa obtii asta peste 3 ani, ceva nu te aranjeaza. Ceva te face sa-ti cauti probleme, sa-ti faci lacrimi si nervi, de parca nu au fost de ajuns candva.

 

p.s: Oare daca as intalni din nou baiatul cu parul negru, l-as saruta? Doar de dragul sarutului, doar de dragul adrenalinei? Sa simt cum fac un lucru interzis, si ma las pe o zi de buzele moi si subtiri. As incerca oare sa-l sarut pe brunet doar ca sa ma gandesc pe urma la asta si ma simt parsiv?

I guess nu. Dar poate da..

 

p.p.s: Si cat de tare te-ar rani daca ai afla ca nu ma dedic in totalitate buzelor tale.

Mamma Mia!

  “What a jerk, what a jerk!” was everything that came to my mind when the plane departed from the airport. But then, for a moment I looked outside the window and saw our small country fading away, thousands of people going to work on that rainy day, thought about my friends who probably were just waking up and about myself, flying to ROME with you. Even though you were a jerk, this was my first flight ever and it was with you. And I don’t know if you made it so special or the thing that I was conquering the big sky that day. Probably both.

  All roads lead to Rome and no matter how much time we spent apart, something brought us back together and on a beautiful, sunny Saturday we got off from our bus on the Termini Stazzione . It is truly amazing to travel with the person you care so much about, it is wonderful to share such a great experience with someone so close. Night by night, hand in hand walking the old roman streets. Running to catch the metro, getting angry because someone is such a useless “plant”, eating the most delicious Pizza Margherita, Pasta in fancy places, walking in your shoes and looking like the bigfoot, sleeping together and waking up face to face.

  Rome has its spirit, it makes you feel relieved and you don’t even think about going back home. You wanna stay here, because here everything will be fine, because in such a beautiful city, life can’t go bad, because too many people died here, for this city, country to ever be a sad place.

 And because all the good things end, we had to go back home. Our trip brought us closer. Rome taught me that the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and even if things go bad, sometimes, for 4-5 days you can have your own heaven.

p.s:I love you, and my parents for making this come true.

silly you?

Februarie,Martie,Aprilie,Mai,Iunie,Iulie,August.

So this is actually the amount of time we have spent apart,nah?

And here I am at one A.M recieving this stupid game request from you.

You,a little bit drunk,I guess surounded by lots of people playing some HP games with me?Seriosly?

Yeah it would have been more surprinsing if you just wrote me on facebook,but you might not be that drunk.

I wonder if you just wanted to play or your drunk mind made you think about me and this game was just some fucking pretext.

Half a year ago I would confidently say that we have chosen our paths and we would never meet at all in the future.

But here we are,both of us,in the same UNI,in the same group,sitting at the same desk.

Pretty funny,because deep down I always kinda believed that our story just had an unfinished end.

Soulmates never die,eh?

I’m a little bit confused and I won’t say shit is perfect again,because it is not.

I am not even sure if you are or not still attracted to me.I am not even sure if I still love you or not.

But it is kinda weird how after all this time I still get the goosebumps from your presence.

We just sit together and the closeness is killing me and we are not even sitting that close.

Interesting,do you think about our hands and lips and my neck and ME,when we sit for a whole day together?

I don’t know,but I wish I knew.

I think I would be the happiest girl in the world if stuff just worked out,for once.

But for now,for this night,I just want to kiss you.

Kiss you everywhere,all night long.

And be near.

Will we ever kiss again?Meh.

I was pretty stupid,always stating that you forgot about me and never really accepting the thing that I was A BIG PART OF YOU.

You remember everything.You remember even the smallest things ever.Every non sense I said or have done.

You remember it.

And it makes me happy about our past,makes me understand that I was as important as you always used to say.

It makes me feel more relieved and I forget about the regret I felt when I FELL for you.

Because I really fell for you,all at once.From the first day till now.

I fell for you in a way I can’t explain,because I’m not some romancier or writer and I can’t phatom all my words intro real thoughts.

All I can say is wether I love you or not,I still feel out special bond.

And taking your hand in mine I can bet you’d feel it too.

The thing is,just don’t run from me like you always did.

Let it all in,let me love you and let yourself fall for what I am right now.

fericire

Nu a trecut mult timp,insa am invatat unele lucruri.

Am invatat sa nu mai plang seara cand adorm din cauza ca unele momente revin din nou in minte.

Am invatat sa ascult din nou cantecele care le ascultam cu tine.

Am invatat sa trec prin locurile noastre fara sa supsin.

Am invatat sa merg la casa aia,sa stau pe patul cela,fara sa-mi fie greu sa zambesc.

Cu toate astea,de fiecare data tresar cand aud numele tau.

Tresar si mi se face pielea de gaina cand canta un cantec de vara sau cand dau de tricoul tau printre hainele mele.

 

Si acum,stai in fata mea.Dupa trei luni in care am invatat

O mie si ceva kilometri departare de casa.

Oameni straini,limba straini,alta tara.Aici,pe 22 iunie noi din nou ne vedem.

Imi aduc aminte planurile noastre din 2013 de a pleca la mare impreuna,si uite practic s-a indeplinit.

In 2014,dupa 5 luni nevorbite,2 luni nevazute si mii de ore in care mi-ai lipsit atat de mult.

E sseara.Prima seara aici,suntem multi si poate de aia nu te-am observat deodata?

Poate erai in autobusul din urma.Poate m-ai vazut tu primul si ai incercat sa ma eviti.

Insa nu cred ca m-ai vazut,esti prea calm si relaxat.Iti citesc asta pe fata.

Parul e lung,cum era vara trecuta.Porti unul din tricourile mele preferate si niste sorti pe care prima data ii vad.

Esti cu niste colegi de clasa.Si stii,ma gandeam eu ca vreun miracol poate fi sa mergi si tu.

Deja se intuneca si noi,vreo grupa de 10 fete mergem spre mare.

Tu cu ai tai pe semne ca tot.

Ma iau in maini si ma gandesc ca am de gand sa te evit si eu.

Imi dau parul mai in fata si aplec capul in jos.Trec pe alaturi.

J-U-M-A-T-A-T-E DE METRU.

Iti aud glasul si simt ca fuge pamantul de sub picioarele mele.

Da,asta eu zic ca am invat sa traiesc fara tine.

Rasuflu adanc si merg mai departe.

Am ajuns la plaja dupa voi si am fost extrem de surprinsa sa vad ca tu si ai tai va dezbracati.

Nebuni,e deja practic noaptea si voi vreti sa va scaldati?Serios?

Aud cum fetele va discuta,deja isi fac planuri si pun la cale sa faca cunostinta cu gasca voastra.

Va stiu pe toti 5.Eugen,Costea,Radu,Catalin si TU.

Aud strigate si ma intorc spre voi.

Ce hazlii sunteti,deja va vad in ap,va faceti de cap.Iti vad de departe expresia fetei,esti fericit.

Si imi vine sa te inec personal,sa mori,pentru ca nu pot suporta ideea ca tu esti fericit,ca tu ai fost fericit in timp ce eu am suferit.

“Nici intr-un caz nu ai de gand sa-mi strici vacanta.Sunt zeci de baieti pe aici,o sa ma pierd printre ei sau chiar cu ei..” ma gandesc si merg la chaise longue-ul de alaturi.Ma intind si inchid ochii.Strigate,vesele,valuri,glasuri cunoscute.O sa fie bine.

Aud niste pasi,insa nu deschis ochii.Cineva a ocupat chaise longue-ul de alaturi.Fata sau baiat?Nu am putu aprecia,prea usor mersul.Deschid ochii si intorc putin capul si incremenesc.Serios?iAici ti-ai gasit locul?Esti la o palma distanta de mine.Ma bucur ca e noapte si nicidecum nu o sa ma recunosti.Imi tremura si mainile si picioarele,ultima data cand te-am avut asa aproape,m-am prefacut ca nu te cunosc.

“Nu te uita la mine.Nu te uita la mine.Te rog,nu ma observa.Minciuni..”

-Hey sorry,nu ai intamplator casti pentru telefon cu tine?-aud eu glasul atat de cunoscut si imi pleaca inima in calcai.Era inevitabil.Era prea simplu sa nu ma observi.Eu tac,nu stiu ce sa raspund,nici nu ma intorc spre tine.

-Hey ai adormit?-si iti simt amuzamentul din glas si oare cat de amuzant o sa-ti fie cand o sa intind mina si o sa-ti dau castile care mi le-ai cumparat tu.

Scot castile din geanta si ti le arunc.Aud cum te rizi si inteleg ca nu ti-ai dat seama.Sigur,e intuneric si tu inca vezi rau.Scoti telefonul si pui castile,insa brusc le scoti.

-Mersi pentru ca mi-ai aruncat castile,eu sunt A.

Doamne inchide gura!Tu serios vrei sa facem iar cunostinta?Serios vrei sa auzi cum ma cheama pe mine?Vrei sa ma intorc spre tine si sa te sochez?

De ce nu as face aceasta?

-Amuzant ca imi spui cum te cheama,animal-o..

Zic incet.Zic si intorc capul.Telefonul din mina ii lumineaza fata si ii pot citi expresia.E rosu,socat,mirat,trist,vesel,incurcat.Pe semne ca inca nu a inteles.

-Valeria..?

Mi-a zis numele.Ador cand il zice.Ador cum il zice.A zis cu atata regret,cu atata sentiment.Imi vine sa plang.De fericire sau de bucurie,nici nu stiu,nu pot intelege inca.

Tu stai incremenit acolo si tot ce pot face eu acum,e sa ma scol si sa te cuprind.

Te strang spre mine,parul si piele iti sunt ude si ma ud si eu.Esti rece,nici nu de la apa,de la emotie probabil.

Nu ma cuprinzi,nu faci nimic.Doar stai asa.

Las capul pe umarul tau si zambesc incet.

-Iata am ajuns in doi la mare..

Zici asta si ma cuprinzi.

Fericire.

FERICIRE.

Simt ceea ce n-am simtit de mult timp,te simt pe tine.